


better this than talking

by bestliars, chad



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2015 NHL All-Star Weekend, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Ex Sex, F/F, Open Relationships, PWP, bad decision sex, d/s dynamics, the authors regret nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:17:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5853922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestliars/pseuds/bestliars, https://archiveofourown.org/users/chad/pseuds/chad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are never going to be the same, and that’s for the best, but that doesn’t mean things can’t be good. That doesn’t really explain why they’re having sex, but…</p>
            </blockquote>





	better this than talking

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is from last year’s ASG, shhhh. it's still relevant. porn is always relevant.
> 
> Chad is responsible for the hot parts. Bestliars is responsible for there being a beginning and end.

Ryan is trying to enjoy the All-Star weekend, even if it really isn’t her thing. There’s too much attention, too many journalists, too many cameras to smile at. The game itself is fine, the skills competition is almost fun, hanging out with people is alright, but she’d really rather spend the break at home. She just likes playing hockey — she could do without all the publicity.

And Shea’s here too.

They got drafted to the same team, reunited. It’s expected that they can play together again, they’ll have to put whatever awkwardness behind them. They should keep the past in the past. That isn’t always easy.

The last time they were at an All Star game they were sleeping together. Being on different teams for a long weekend had felt so strange back then. Now they’re on year three of hardly talking to each other. So yeah, it seemed like playing together was going to be awkward.

Except it hasn’t been. Yes, things ended poorly, but they were important to each other for a long time. They hadn’t tried to be friends since Ryan signed with the Wild, but apparently it’s a thing they’re capable of. Things are never going to be the same, and that’s for the best, but that doesn’t mean things can’t be good.

That doesn’t really explain why they’re having sex, but… 

They were always better at this than talking. They were good at sex, and good at hockey, and terrible at being girlfriends, and that’s why things turned out the way they have. Ryan doesn’t have regrets. Her relationship with Zach works. Before Ryan left for the weekend Zach said, "You need to relax," and, "I want you to enjoy yourself," and, "I know you're coming home to me." Knowing that was something good Ryan could look forward to, something good after too much press and presumably awkwardness around her ex.

Ryan hadn’t planned on hooking up with Shea again, but flirty had been their default. They’re used to seeing each other’s actions as sexual, and enjoying each other’s company like that. At the end of the night it had felt right to head up to Shea’s room together. They talked over what they were interested in, re-establishing old limits, renegotiating a few things. And now here they are.

It’s been a few years, but not much has changed. Shea’s still bigger, but Ryan’s solid, and knows what she’s doing.

Shea is so easy for her, too, keeps her hands where Ryan tells her to, doesn't push or try to go against Ryan’s instructions. 

One of the things Ryan likes better about Zach is that Zach is feisty. Zach pushes. Ryan likes that.

She feels bad for comparing them, but it is what it is.

It’s downright bizarre — sleeping with Shea again, after years with Zach. She fucked Zach right before leaving for Columbus, that makes all the differences more obvious.

She has to remember that she doesn't have to hold Shea's wrists; that Shea likes clear, direct orders with no room for interpretation but a gentle tone; that Shea will get Ryan off as many times as Ryan wants as long as Ryan tells her softly and pulls her hair hard. Shea loves hands in her hair. 

Teasing Shea is less playful, especially now. It's been years, and they both know it’s probably a mistake. There’s no reason why it would be playful, but compared to Zach, it’s so much more intent, far less silly.

Ryan finds out she still knows the right balance of toughness and tenderness to drive Shea crazy. Ryan really does enjoy how pliant and sweet Shea is. Or at least how pliant and sweet she can be. Or at least it used to be very sweet, tender and loving. Now it’s...something like that, but a little bit different. There's an edge now, a sense that Shea is holding something back. Which makes sense. They're not who they used to be. Shea knows that Ryan isn't hers. 

Ryan does miss how it used to be. She misses how Shea didn’t hold anything back, just offered herself up entirely for Ryan. It isn’t enough to make her regret her decisions, but she does miss how easy it used to be between them.

She liked what they had. She just likes what she has with Zach more. 

She really knows she should stop comparing them, at least for the moment, but having Shea all spread out for her like this makes her miss Zach too.

She knows a threesome would be an awful idea, but god, it would be hot.

Probably a disaster, but hot.

That’s something she can think about on her own time. For now she's here with Shea, who wants her to be calm and domme, and that's an opportunity she's not going to let go. This is a good way to relax from how busy the weekend is. And it was just her birthday. And the last month sucked. Having this, where she can just look after Shea, and make it good for both of them, is really nice. It’s something manageable, and staggeringly hot.

Shea is sitting on the edge of the bed, naked and with her head bowed. Ryan kicks off her shoes, and slips her nylons and underwear out from beneath her nice dress. She stands in front of Shea and puts her fingers under Shea's chin. She says, "Look at me," and Shea does. Ryan pushes so Shea's not in control and her head snaps up faster than she was expecting. She looks...okay. They've got safewords, more likely to be used if the old feelings get to be too much than because of anything sexual. But Shea looks okay, like she's not freaking out, like she feels comfortable here, sitting in front of Ryan. 

It makes sense that Shea is comfortable. This is familiar. Or at least it used to be.

Ryan says, "I want your mouth," and she's slipping into the tone that she only used for Shea, and it's weird. It brings back a lot of memories, mostly of having sex with Shea, and Shea being so trusting, so open and young. 

Shea now has the slightest lines around her mouth and eyes, and is keeping eye contact while leaning closer to Ryan, and sliding her hands up Ryan's thighs to push her dress up. 

(Ryan's dress is nice, but so boring.)

("Why don't you wear something bright?" Shea had asked her earlier. "The black and gray just drag you down. Just because the men are afraid of color doesn't mean you should be." Shea is wearing a modest but very well-cut dress in dark green. It looks amazing on her. Ryan couldn't pull off something like that.)

(Ryan’s gotten used to having Zach on her arm for a pop of color. Zach will smile, and sparkle, and make whatever occasion they’re dressed up for easier to face.)

Ryan doesn't look away when Shea gets her hands on her hips and starts kissing Ryan's thighs. "Do you need me to show you where I want you?" Ryan says. "Haven't been eating pussy much lately?" 

Shea goes still, in a way that means Ryan probably crossed a line. Ryan waits for a moment, but Shea keeps still with her face pressed against Ryan's thigh. 

"Shea?" Ryan says. "You want to safeword out, or talk to me, or something?"

Ryan does try to ignore all the gossip, but thinks she would have heard anything about Shea having a lover lately.

Ryan puts a hand in Shea's hair, strokes, tugs. Shea exhales and relaxes a little. "Talk to me," Ryan says, not using her Shea-voice, but not making it a question either. 

Shea mutters, "I'm not _that_ out of practice."

"Of course you're not," Ryan says reasonably. "I won't tease you about that, okay?"

"Yeah," Shea says. She hesitates. "I'm a little out of practice, though." She looks up at Ryan, finally. She's got a quirk to her mouth like she's laughing at herself, and Ryan smiles back at her. 

"Well, I think I can manage to, um." She looks for a phrase. "Get you back up to speed. It's like riding a bicycle." 

Shea does laugh at that, just a snort of good humor, and that's a good sign that she's okay. 

Ryan tugs on Shea's hair again, just as a reminder of what they're doing. "Want to get your face between my legs and get started, then?"

Shea nods.

“Well, go on," Ryan says, and pulls her in. 

Ryan talks Shea through it, pulls her head close, telling her to lick faster and harder and a little lower. Shea knows what she likes, but it has been a while, but more importantly, Shea likes being told what to do.

Ryan has to bite back pet names. She's so used to using them with Zach but this is Shea. Shea is just Shea, not baby, not honey, not darling. Just Shea. Shea isn’t hers anymore, and they were never sentimental like that. Shea likes hearing her name, and Ryan always liked saying it.

Now it feels awkward in her mouth, makes her mumble, but maybe that’s just how Shea’s licking her, making her feel so good. She's keeping her composure, mostly, but she knows she's shaking, and she can't keep standing up much longer. 

Time to move this to the bed. Ryan pulls Shea away, says, "Lie down," and Shea does. When Ryan says, "Move up," and Shea does that too, listening until she’s right where Ryan wants her.

Shea's looking at Ryan, all expectation and desire, her face already so wet from being good for Ryan.

Ryan says that, "See, you're doing so well, I'm so close, I want you to make me come, okay?"

Shea nods eagerly, but doesn’t move, not without more instruction.

Ryan has to think about what she has to say here. It used to come so easily, but she’s gotten out of this routine. Shea holds herself back in a way that isn’t usual any more — Zach would have dove face first back into Ryan’s pussy, and Ryan would have had to grab her hair to hold her back. But Shea’s cautious, which considering how they are now, isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Ryan pushes her dress up, her hips, and spreads her legs. “Come on Shea, I want your mouth on me again.”

She gets comfortable kneeling over Shea’s face, holding onto the headboard for stability. This is a better plan. She’ll be able to enjoy it more, to ride’s Shea’s face without having to worry as much about giving good instructions.

She can get away with saying simple, instinctual things, just, "Come on," "Yeah, like that," "Harder, Shea," “Fuck you’re so good for me,” she moans.

Ryan's doing most of the work, moving against Shea's tongue and mouth and jaw. Shea’s hands are on her ass, and her own hands are on her breasts, and she’s so close, she just needs Shea to not stop, she just needs a little bit more, needs this a little bit longer.

"This is so good, Shea, you're so good at this, keep going, oh fuck." Oh fuck oh fuck. She comes like that, mouth pressed against her shoulder to keep quiet. She lets Shea work her through it, riding the swell of sensations until she starts to feel over sensitive and selfish.

She wants to make Shea feel good too. This isn’t about making herself feel good, it’s supposed to be an exchange.

She resettles herself so she isn’t straddling Shea anymore, but sitting beside her on the bed. She starts touching Shea, feeling how wet she is from being made to get Ryan off. Shea makes a humming noise, turns her face towards Ryan.

Ryan isn’t as familiar with Shea’s tells as she used to be, but it seems like Shea’s not all here, that she’s gotten caught up in some other thoughts. Her expression is clouded over like she’s thinking about the past, not just enjoying how Ryan’s touching her right now.

If they were being more careful it might be right to stop and talk, but if they were being more careful they wouldn’t be doing this at all. Ryan doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t want to say anything. She doesn’t know what conversation they could have that would make things any better.

And besides, Shea seems close to coming. It wouldn’t be buddies to stop before Shea gets off, and that’s what they are now: buddies.

"You want to come?" Ryan asks, which Shea can take as an opening to stop things or continue. 

Shea nods and throws her arm over her eyes. Ryan might have pressed her to talk, but this is not that situation. 

After, maybe. They should probably talk after. Ryan isn’t sure if they will, but they’re so far in that they should just keep going.

Ryan leans down to bite Shea's thighs, gently, like Shea likes, and gets a shaky moan in response. 

Shea always likes taking a lot of fingers, so Ryan's got four in her. Shea's pretty wet and it makes it easy to fuck her deep and fast, until Shea's thrashing and thrusting her hips up. If Ryan wasn't just trying to get Shea off quickly at this point, she would tell her to stay still. But now that she’s come herself Ryan can’t help but remember why this is a bad idea. Shea is so fucking hot like this, but this probably isn’t something they should be doing, especially if Shea’s going to be weird about it when they’re still supposed to play together tomorrow.

She hates having regrets about sex while she's having sex. It's unpleasant. She should at least get to enjoy the sex if she's going to regret it. 

She is enjoying it, mostly. She should pay more attention to the quiet sounds that Shea’s making, that are so hard to hear. (Not at all like Zach).

It's ridiculous to let this get the better of her, really. She's already got half of her hand in Shea, she should do things that make it better for both of them. "Shea, try to be still," Ryan says, and it comes out low and quiet, and she can see Shea struggle to get herself under control, biting her lip. 

"No, don't bite your lip, let me hear you," Ryan says. "And don't move." She keeps fucking Shea and lowers her head to lick at her clit. 

Shea's legs are shaking and her toes are curling. She's trying so hard to stay still, but she's getting louder and arching her back involuntarily. Part of Ryan wants to draw this out, but insead she goes faster until Shea comes with a moan that she muffles in a pillow. Probably a good call, since they're in a hotel. 

(Not that people would be surprised about the two of them hooking up, but still. It isn’t a secrecy thing, it’s a manners thing. It’s probably hopeless, but Ryan would like this to not be a conversation topic at breakfast.)

Shea catches her breath, and Ryan goes to lie down next to her cautiously. They were never that snuggly before, but now especially Ryan thinks they would probably benefit from some distance. But they should be at the same level to have have this conversation. They should be able to look each other in the eye.

"So," Ryan says, at a loss for words. 

"That was good," Shea says. 

"Yeah?" 

"Not as good as it used to be, but yeah."

"Oh?" Ryan asks, even though she knows she shouldn’t.

"Yeah, it's different now that I know you're not—well."

Ryan is not in love with Shea. Shea isn't really in love with Ryan anymore, but she's not over her either. There’s something there. The remnants of love. Lingering affection. This isn’t like sleeping with a friend, it isn’t _friendly_ , but they aren’t in love with each other any more, and they aren’t in each other’s long term plans.

That doesn’t mean they aren’t anything. That doesn’t mean that they can’t have this, that it can’t be good. It’s just unusual. It’s a break from their real lives — they used to be each other’s real lives. But not anymore.

Shea will go back to Nashville, and Ryan gets to go home at the end of the weekend. Back to Minnesota, and Zach, and everything they’re building there. She can’t wait.


End file.
